FRANK THOMAS
He'll never stay this bad, but isn't it pleasant to see that even one of the Superbas can be embarassingly embarassing.  You have to go some to achieve a .255 OBP on a team that loaded.  More homers than walks.  Nice.

EARL AVERILL
For a team doing so well, the Outlaws sure do have some terrible players.  Hank Aguirre, for example, is imploding every fifth day, potentially for money.  Taking the cake, eating it, and then having another, however, is their full time catcher Averill.  There's is something always heartening about a Slugging % lower than an OBP, especially when that OBP is a whopping .220.  Averill hits that most precious of marks -- an OPS of under .400.  Bravo!

GUS ZERNIAL
Chicago doesn't have anyone doing really badly, but it is always funny to watch a budding superstar fall to earth with a bang.  Using the handy new stats projector (TM), we can amuse ourselves with facts like Gus is on pace to hit a third of last year's homerun total, and drive in less than half the amount of runs.  Plus, he's 35 and getting paid 9 million dollars.  Happy days!

BOB FRIEND
To paraphrase, UL hitters have a Friend in him.  The Warrior has looked less like Lee and more like Custer this year, his white flag quivering as he gave up 52 runs in 76 innings, going 3-7.  Rumor is that Washington is interested.

DICK KOKOS
The other half of the 'death pact' that the Maroons and the Barons should have signed.  Kokos has been brilliant all his career, which, as mentioned before, makes it all the sweeter when he suddenly becomes unfathomably average.  Kokos has forgotten how to a) get hits and b) walks, which (correct me if I'm wrong) are relatively important skills in the grand scheme of things.  It's amazing that the two sides could trade half their teams yet cling lovingly on to these chaps.

FRANK HOWARD
Hondo, that mighty slugger and Detroit's first rounder in the most recent draft, has done much to cement his reputation as a behemoth at the plate.  In 51 trips to the plate this year, he has 8 hits, all singles.  WHACK!

EWELL BLACKWELL
The defending champion Spiders, I'm happy to report, may even be worse than Washington thus far.  While this cannot be expected to last, fans of the grotesque will be happy to note how far last year's 22-game winner has fallen.  Ewell went 7-0 one month last year, but reached a similar level of dominance in April of this one.  Let's call it 'Bad Dominance' however, as he went 0-6.  Two more losses followed to leave the 5-million dollar arm at 0-8 before he got his first win in New York, his ERA improving to a stellar 7.21.  My stats generator tells me Ewell could be on for a 30-loss season this year.  The Whip's WHIP?  1.76.  SNAP!
 

DUKE SNIDER
To pick just one is virtually impossible, but paying Duke Snider almost 9 million to hit under .100 is pretty impressive.  The Duke has as many stolen bases as hits this year, and you'd think with all that speed he would have successfully accumulated more than, err, 3 singles, in 81 ABs.  The "Silver Fox" is now sitting on the bench.